I'm a hypocrite.

I realized I was a hypocrite just moments ago. Now, most people are hypocrites in one way or another, but sometimes we don't realize what it is that we do that is hypocritical. Through a wide range of "coincidences," I came to realize that the last post I made is hypocritical.

I was pissed off at my friend Alex. I had to drag him back to safety for an hour and a half. It left me feeling tired and weary, to say the least. I felt like he didn't respect me in my relationship, that if he really was my friend, that he wouldn't do stuff like this to me. We were together a lot today working at a concession stand at Beaver Stadium (Go Penn State!), and we managed to make things all right. I sort of implied that I felt hurt by all that I had to do, and I didn't want to do it again, and Alex implied that he wouldn't drink so much that I would have to do that.

There is someone I treat in the very same way as Alex treated me last night. That person is Jesus.

I went to a religious group meeting, and the leader talked about how we need to develop a relationship with Jesus, that a relationship with Him, God, and the Holy Spirit is really the core of our religion. Getting towards the end of finishing Donald Miller's "Searching For God Knows What" has also reinforced this idea in my head of a relationship with Jesus.

I realized that most of the time, I am being a total jerk to Jesus. I am drunk and angry and heading towards trouble in His eyes, but I still want Him to let me go. Jesus, however, just keeps on pulling me back. He's been dragging me back to safety and away from a much more serious punishment than a fine for probably a good 10-15 years. Yet He still keeps on pulling me along. Some of my other friends might say about me "Let's just leave him here, he might be okay." Jesus tells them no. He wants to bring me home. A lot of the time I fight Him, I pull up my legs so He's forced to carry me, I try to run out of His supporting arms and into a frat house so I can just party some more. Each time, He comes running to help me. Many times I feel angry about His help. I'll yell at God and Jesus because I don't understand why they won't let me go do the things that I want.

But in the end, God knows what is best for me. I just have to learn how to accept that.

One More

One last post here before college starts up and starts slowing this down.

Cleaning up my room and packing today, I found a little booklet of Lenten Reflections from 2007. I had never really read it. I did, however, save it, because right before I threw it away, I scanned through it, and realized that this booklet had been made by some of my friends, and other students on campus.

Well, finding it this morning, I flipped through until I found a reflection by one of my friends, a fellow freshman last year, and ironically enough, it was about forgiveness. So here it is.

Matthew 18: 21-35

"Forgiveness is never easy. It may feel sometimes that it is all we ever do. Sometimes we think that we just can't forgive again. But when reading this passage, a whole new light is shed on the concept of forgiveness. We must be like the king Jesus describes. While it may seem that someone has used up all of their chances, we need to forgive again. If we stop forgiving, not only do we risk our relationships on earth, but also our relationship with God. After all, Jesus forgave His persecutors for whipping Him, ridiculing Him, and nailing Him to a cross. If someone can do that and still wholly give of Himself for us, why is forgiveness so hard? Perhaps it is not as difficult as we believe."