A Dad's Road to Hidden Forgiveness

I have a dad that is in the broad scheme of things a pretty awesome dad, but a lot of the time he bugs me because he's a bit of a control freak and that has messed around with important parts of my life before. I don't entirely know what all of it is that I dislike, there's just a lot of memories I have with him that turned out really sad or angry or traumatizing or whatever for me. I don't really even think he meant for me to feel that way 99% of the time, and I think he doesn't realize it makes me feel that way about at least 80% of the time.

Don't get me wrong, I love my dad, but I feel like I can't be myself around him because he'll look down on it or something.

Today, he woke me up from a nap I've gotten into the habit of taking after Sunday lunch to have me help him transport a patio set from a warehouse to our house.

Long story short, after a few trips, and a bout of disassembling the table frame because it wouldn't fit in the back of the U-Haul truck we rented, we were done bringing everything back home. Dad was about to take the U-Haul truck back, and I threw him the keys to the truck that he had left on the porch. As I turned around to head back inside, he said, "Thanks for your help John."

Just that. "Thanks for your help John."

Really, that's not such a big thank you. It's not like I saved his life or anything. It was different for me though, because it told me that he didn't think me helping was something a son does just because a dad asks. It said "We were equals on this, partners, and I'm glad you decided to help me when I asked." It was like I wasn't being treated like a little kid; I was a man, and I would be thanked like one.

Just like all those times I had problems with my dad and he didn't realize what he had done, I doubt he knows what he did this time. It may not have been much, especially not to him, but today he's helped me become just a little bit closer to dropping my hidden grudge and forgiving him.