I knew this would happen

YES! College is getting into full-swing, and I am tired and swamped. My computer science homework had me up until 6 in the morning last night, and it was really just to solve unsolvable (at least with our current knowledge) things that the teacher never told us we'd come up against. Fun stuff.

Also, I cut my thumb on a shard of glass that was embedded in the sole of my shoe. I just thought it was a pebble, go sue me. I have to slow down on the guitar practicing until at least tomorrow night, I think.

My friend is doing good, he came back after the weekend, and I had supper with him and some other people. He didn't come to the Catholic meeting after supper, but I'm glad he's at least well enough to hang out with people on some degree.

I am seriously behind on my responsibilities as a webmaster for the pro-life club on campus, Students For Life. I'm starting to feel really guilty. I definitely need to change some things, like, everything on the resource page and most of "What we've done" and the board page. That, and I just need to create a new layout in general. The website makes me feel like I'm browsing the internet in a cave. It needs to be cheerier. The rest of the club is doing admirably, and we're hoping to get Jason Evert and/or Christopher West to give a speech on campus, with help in part due to Generation Life. We've got a life rally being planned for the spring as well, with Peter Kreeft showing up on the final day of it.

I've also been having guilty dreams about not exercising enough. In the past three days, I've had two dreams about old coaches of mine berating me for not being in shape as well as I was, or telling me about various opportunities I have on campus to exercise. So, I'm going for a run. Right now. Bye.

One of the Problems I Have

In the past 24 hours, I have done something that I really regret. I won't get into the specifics, but someone should have, at least in my opinion, rather disliked me, to say the very least.

However, I lied and I told some half-truths, and this person is now totally okay with me. But I'm not okay with myself.

The problem I've realized that I have is that either through my own actions or my own nature, I am too easily forgivable for my own good. I punish myself (no cutting or anything like that though, don't worry), but the people I hurt are never out to get me. I never feel like they get their just desserts, or their revenge, or whatever they should have.

Maybe it's better that way. If these people did just decide to beat me up or something, I would just be able to feel okay afterwards, because "Oh, I got what was coming to me and now I can go on my happy way." This way, I feel guilty, and maybe I learn from my mistakes.

Maybe this way is better too for another reason. I started this blog because I thought there should be more forgiveness in the world, and here I'm being shown forgiveness. Why should I be so bitter to that? The only answer I can think to give to that is these people don't know what they're forgiving me of, because of the half-truths. Would they still forgive me if they knew what I knew? I don't know, but I guess I should hope so. Otherwise, I'm just being a hypocrite with this blog.