Half-truths and honesty

A few posts back, I mentioned about myself telling half-truths, and in the comments, I and a new friend discussed me holding back the truth. You can see it here: One of the Problems I Have

The last post I wrote, someone praised me for my honesty.

However, the last post I wrote was originally quite a bit longer than what is currently up there. I had looked at what I had written, and just as with my friend that I had been untruthful with, I said "They don't need to know that," and I deleted it. This time I didn't even have the excuse of wanting to protect someone from being hurt. I just wanted to save face and not look worse in other people's eyes. So now you'll get to hear the rest of the story, because a half-truth is also half-lie.

There is a reason why I specifically started with that way that I am not myself. I wrote how there was something I had regretted doing earlier this week, and that thing that I did was taking advantage of a friend's feelings for me. It was after we had watched I Heart Huckabees as well, which was yet another reason why I wanted to start with that first way I am not myself.

So, I'm sorry for not being honest with you all before. I pray that I will do better in the future.

How Am I Not Myself? # 1

One of the movies that I really like is I Heart Huckabees. It is one of those movies that makes you think and touches you on the inside in ways that you don't quite understand. I love it, but the first time watching it, my dad watched for about a half an hour, then decided he couldn't take all of the weirdness of the movie. It's not a movie for everyone, that's for sure.

One of the parts that I like the most is when the two existential detectives are asking the "bad" guy about how he feels about himself, and he simply yells "How am I not myself?" The two detectives say the question aloud and the bad guy repeats himself so they're clear. "How am I not myself?" They say nothing but this, and start looking at each other confusedly. The bad guy leaves, and as he's being asked questions and given memos in his workplace, the only thing that keeps running through his head is "How am I not myself?" This leads to the first part of his breakdown.

At the end of the movies, after the credits are done rolling, the question, "How am I not myself?" appears on the screen. It made me think about myself and finding the true me. I once wrote a personal reflection on that question and the book "The Game." Today, I'm doing something different with it.

Everyone wants to figure out who they are, including myself. For as long as I can keep thinking of things, I'm going to try to figure out what I am not. Maybe if I stop all of the things that I know are not part of the real me, I'll be left with only the right things for me to do. I can only hope to be so lucky.

How am I not myself?

I am not myself when I take advantage of girls' feelings for me to get them to do sexual things with me.