In the past 24 hours, I have done something that I really regret. I won't get into the specifics, but someone should have, at least in my opinion, rather disliked me, to say the very least.
However, I lied and I told some half-truths, and this person is now totally okay with me. But I'm not okay with myself.
The problem I've realized that I have is that either through my own actions or my own nature, I am too easily forgivable for my own good. I punish myself (no cutting or anything like that though, don't worry), but the people I hurt are never out to get me. I never feel like they get their just desserts, or their revenge, or whatever they should have.
Maybe it's better that way. If these people did just decide to beat me up or something, I would just be able to feel okay afterwards, because "Oh, I got what was coming to me and now I can go on my happy way." This way, I feel guilty, and maybe I learn from my mistakes.
Maybe this way is better too for another reason. I started this blog because I thought there should be more forgiveness in the world, and here I'm being shown forgiveness. Why should I be so bitter to that? The only answer I can think to give to that is these people don't know what they're forgiving me of, because of the half-truths. Would they still forgive me if they knew what I knew? I don't know, but I guess I should hope so. Otherwise, I'm just being a hypocrite with this blog.
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6 comments:
Maybe you think Karma should be coming "to get you". Instead of just being forgiven...or maybe you feel like you should start to tell "whole-truths" no matter what....
See, but the whole truths would hurt people more. It's my fault (or at least, mostly my fault) that they're in this situation already, but should I or shouldn't I be lying to try to make them feel better? That's the toughest part.
NO. don't lie..because if they find out the complete truth in the end it will hurt them more than if you were honest to begin with.
The only way for this person to find out these truths are directly from me, so unfortunately that "secrets don't stay secrets long" saying doesn't really hold true here.
I don't mean to say that I think it's right, but I think it might have been the best choice. Like, the way the British had to pretend they didn't know the Enigma code when the Nazis wanted to bomb that historically significant, but militarily insignificant village. Sometimes you take a hit and deal with the devil for the greater good of everyone else.
Yea, but you shouldn't continue to do so.
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